Monday, January 19, 2009


Originally uploaded by randi brusokas!

Although I didn't really think about it while I was home, I spent a lot of my winter break pretty isolated. I kind of intended that, though; I intended to do a lot of thinking, which I did, and it was healthy I think. But when I look back at the past month, after being back at school and seeing some of my good friends again, I realized just how much I isolated myself.

Sure, I hung out with people at home. We had some really good times, and I spent some quality time with my friends, which I love. But at the end of the day, I was kind of alone with my thoughts, in a house where, although another person lived with me, I was literally separated from her by having my own room.

Now A is back and I enjoy our intermittent bursts of conversation. I chatted with L today, caught up on The Office with C yesterday, and went to the Met with S on Saturday. I'm excited to be around people again, as weird and recovering-sociopath-like that sounds.

However, I am not excited for the levels of stress this semester promises to bring. So much work lies ahead of me that I think I'm going to sit here and eat chocolate-hazelnut ice cream to let my mind drift.

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Saturday, January 10, 2009


I'm lost
Originally uploaded by Puss.In.The.Hood

I never really listen to music lyrics. Well, rarely. When the explosion of my music tastes occurred mid-high school and I bought a lot of CDs, I would make a point of sitting down to listen through the full albums with the jacket lyrics in front of me, so I could more easily memorize the words. But most of the time it became just that - memorization, and I hardly knew the stories and creations I was singing along to.

But lately I've been listening. I notice awe-inspiring metaphors, instead of just aurally pleasing cadences and chords. Don't get me wrong; the music part of music has and always will attract me. But I think I've been sadly blind to the lyrical potential of this beauty.

I am very grateful that Gala once linked these monthly mixes on Livejournal (you have to have an account and join the LJmixtape community to see and download, but it's worth it, if really only for this one girl's mixes). I love grand themes like that, and her musical mélanges are so wonderful. Here are some songs from her and some that, in general, are making me think lately.

Unusual - Stacy Clark

Wheels - John Mayer

Black and gold radio1 live lounge - Sam Sparro

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Monday, January 5, 2009


The magic umbrella
Originally uploaded by KarensJilly

It's funny how every day can have a different character. Sometimes we don't see it, because we let monotony get the best of us, but I think I'm noticing it more now that I don't have many responsibilities to worry about, because of break.

For example, yesterday I didn't shower and didn't get dressed all day. I was generally feeling like a disgusting, dirty human being because of this and because my friends are all leaving me to go back to school. Not to mention PMS. (Yay TMI!) But the entire quality of my day changed when I looked at my phone around 5:30 - the first time I had bothered to do so all day - and had a text from my friend L (who I had thought was already back at school) asking if I wanted to get Chipotle for dinner. I was elated by a) the idea of getting out of the house and b) the surprise of knowing she was still in town when I thought I was all alone! I called her back and we had a very adventurous dinner time eating our burrito bols up at a makeout point at Tilden Park haha. There was a great view, a wild fox, and some creepy guys smoking pot who tried to get us to roll down the window to talk to them, but we left at that point...

Today has been a pretty relaxed day, in comparison. I've spent some time thinking about how silly it is to separate the ideas of a fun, frivolous life and the mundane parts of life like worrying madly about money (which I am actually doing, unfortunately). "Real life" tends to be what I call that mundane part of my existence, and the fun, introspective side is too often deemed unrealistic. But both are real, sometimes too much so.

For example, I went to my grandfather's house today, where a piano lives, to try my hand at the keys after what is surely years of not playing seriously. I just played. I played arpeggios and old pieces, and my motor memory strained pathetically to re-create the chords and phrases. It was good for me, but very frustrating, very real.

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Thursday, January 1, 2009


Waiting from RhiannonDaire

As the new year begins and I return from a cozy party with friends, I click through a bunch of blogs. They catalog resolutions, antiestablishmentarian rejection of resolutions, self-help strategies, and a slew of advice that, when taken in all at once, is pretty useless. But through it all, an especially warm-hearted, apparently timeless old sentiment from Neil Gaiman stands out to me:

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

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